Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
The Olympian is in my bed
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
