I am in a vortex of obligation.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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