in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
my liver is dry heaving
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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