He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
