Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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