No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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