Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
The beer is more important than you right now.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
