you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Please don't give away my fajitas
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
