I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
