A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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