I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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