Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
