you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
