it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
She's like a pop up book from hell.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize