***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
