you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
