i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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