How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
