When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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