Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
