Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
