I'll bet she douches with gravy.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
