There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
