I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
