Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
