She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
