So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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