Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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