yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
