she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
