if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
you win again, gameday.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
