Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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