How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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