He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
