If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize