omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You pole danced in your parka.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Randomize
