she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
