first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
