i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
