I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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