I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
