My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize