God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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