they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
