somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
