I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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