You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
