Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
it was like eating out sand paper
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Randomize
