Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Randomize
