I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
