And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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