thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
