well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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