ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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