farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
