I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
