I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
