All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
