Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
