5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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