I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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