I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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