Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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