Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize