Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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